Gin & Canada Dry

My Grandma's drink of choice!  I'm sitting here drinking one now and remembering the sizeable measures I always got when my Grandma poured me a gin.  We used to joke that there was more gin than tonic and it wasn't much of an exaggeration!  It took me a while to come around to the Canada Dry side of things but it's been a favourite of mine for a while now.

I remember when I was little I always wanted my drink to come from the special drinks cabinet in my Grandparents lounge.  You know those cabinets where you open a flap on the front which becomes a table on which to pour your drink?  I can't remember the first time I actually had a proper drink from the special cabinet but I have always loved that ritual of the flap coming down and all the different drinks being poured!

As kids, our treat was to be allowed a can of coke (never out of the can mind you, all drinks were out of a glass!), or if we were really good we would have some of Grandad's ginger beer which always made my nose itch from the bubbles and the strength of the ginger!!

The evening that Grandma passed away, I remember arriving at my Grandparent's house and walking in to see that the flap on the cabinet was open, and my Grandad was drinking a scotch. For some reason, it struck me then that I would never be able to share a gin with my Grandma again.  I thought briefly that maybe I should drink something else from now on, but then I thought about it and realised that every time I drink a gin and Canada Dry, I'll be reminded of my Grandma and sharing this drink with her on so many important milestones in our lives (oh and all those random times we just fancied a drink!!!).  So I was wrong when I thought I would never share a gin with my Grandma again. Truth is, every gin I drink will be shared with her!

The Funeral

All of the flowers together

From Grandad, for his wife of 60 years

From Greg & Francesca

From Me & Pete

From my Dad & Mum

From Nicky & Ian

In My Thoughts

My Dad asked me if I wanted to read out a poem or something at my Grandma's funeral.  As much as I would love to do it, I don't think I would be able to stand up in front of everyone without crying my heart out, and would therefore not be able to do any poem justice.  So instead, the poem below will be included in the service sheet as my little contribution.

This was the first one that popped into my head when Dad asked me, and the more I read it the more appropriate it seemed to be.  You can look at it from so many angles - as if it was us reading it to Grandma whilst she was in hospital, or as if it is Grandma reading it to us now to comfort us.  Whichever way, it's a beautiful and comforting poem.

I couldn't see you today,

So I sent you my thoughts.

Living and vibrant they sped through the air,

Out through the ether, through miles and through time.

I hope you received them and knew I was there.

I couldn't see you today,

So I sent you my love.

It travelled through space like a bright shooting star,

With the joy of the morning, the warmth of the sun,

To wrap itself around you wherever you are.

I couldn't see you today,

So I sent out a prayer,

For I knew you were troubled and heavy of heart.

And so with my thoughts, and my love and my prayers,

Though distance divides us, we're never apart.

Iris Hesselden.

It also seemed quite apt, because I found this poem in a book of poetry left to me by my Nan when she passed away, and one of my clearest memories from being at her funeral was standing outside afterwards and watching my Grandma as she carefully looked at the flowers and read all the cards.  I just remember her presence was a huge comfort and support for us.

Memories are Forever

I'm sitting here reflecting on the past couple of weeks and am feeling a little shell-shocked by it all if I'm honest.  Extreme highs, desperate lows, and pretty much every other emotion in-between.  Thinking about it, I could say the same for the whole year so far!
My mind is feeling a little overwhelmed in so many ways and I've been wondering where it will all end, or if this is just what life is like when you get older?  Or is it just that the last few years really have been as crazy as they seem?!!


Anyway, I wanted to write something here about my Grandma, and all that she meant to me.
I've been wanting to do it since I heard the news on Sunday 22nd July that she had passed away, but I can't seem to summon up the words.  I think it's because there aren't enough words to describe her and how I felt about her, how much I loved her, how much she has influenced me and how much I already miss her presence in the World.


When I think about it, it isn't so much words as it is a feeling I get when I smell a certain scent, see a certain flower, watch a certain thing on TV or eat a certain food.  At the moment, it's all a little raw so I find myself getting a little sad, but in a way it is reassuring at the same time.  I am reassured because this means she is in me, she is such a fundamental part of who I am, and that can never be taken away by her physical absence.  She will always be in my heart and therefore she'll never really be gone.


So, I am going to write out some thoughts/memories/random things as and when they come to me, so that you'll get to know a little about my Grandma and how amazing she was!

Cheers Grandma!!